There I was on bended knees, crying out before God in a room full of strangers. Tears streamed down my face as I yelled a shout of freedom with the words “I understand, I understand!” it was in that moment that I finally understood what it felt like to be in the presence of the Lord. It was at that moment that I finally understood what it meant to have Jesus, to be set free, and to be forgiven.
But, how did I get here? How did I get to this moment of redemption? A little over a year before this moment my sister came home expressing her new founding relationship with Christ. It was great for her, I thought. I didn’t think much of it until she continuously pressed on and on about God. She was relentless (hindsight, I can’t blame her because His love is relentless). She talked about Him in every situation of her life, she talked about what we were all missing out on, she talked about the freedom that comes from following Him. But, I honestly wasn’t trying to hear all of that. I already attended church regularly and I would get to that place when I would get there I didn’t get why she didn’t get that. Because honestly, at the time, all I wanted was to enjoy my young adult years in peace. I was about to be 21 so you know I wasn’t trying to hear all that noise. And yet somehow, someway I heard it and ended up at a conference that would change the trajectory of my life forever.
It was at this conference that I experienced worship in a new way. I have experienced worship every Sunday but nothing like this. By Day 2, the worship spoke to my spirit so deeply that I was awakened from a slumber that I didn’t even know I was in. In a moment of complete praise and worship, I stopped and watched my surroundings, people of all ages were dancing, singing, and swaying. Some people had their hands lifted, eyes closed, knees bent, some we’re even laid out on the floor. This was a scene that I never imagined and never thought I’d be a part of, but God saw it fit that I was. I was standing in the middle of a move from God. I was a part of the move. I know that because the very next day (Day 3) I surrendered everything and gave my life to Christ.
This thought was confirmed when the spiritual leaders called our generation the generation of activation. Every part of me agreed with this statement and by the looks of the room so did almost ever young adults in that room and it was definitely over 200 of us. Over 200 of us ran up and down the sanctuary as a sign of agreement. We couldn't be still, we had to move and we had to show God that we were available and ready to be used.
So, there I was finally free and exclaiming “I understand!” I finally understood what my sister was talking about. I finally understood what all of the hollering was for. Why she was insistent that I get to know Him for myself.
I finally understood that there was joy unspeakable with Him, peace like a river, and grace like no other! There was GRACE! There was undeserved and unearned grace.
My sins - gone. My mistakes - gone. My inadequacies - gone. All gone because I now know my Father who was seated in heavenly places all along waiting for me with open arms to come home to Him.
Now, my place was secured in the Kingdom I had to return home. As I returned back to my life at home, much didn’t change, but it was clear that I did. I was happy, I was at peace and began to radiate a different kind of energy. I loved easier.
I’ve always been the sensitive type so coming to God just brought the depths of my heart to the forefront of my life. With every encounter, every hope and dream, and every relationship I discovered how I do and I don't have a heart like Jesus. I had to make a choice; I could either remain that way or live every day working towards having a whole heart like His. I chose to work towards having a heart like His, to walk as He did, to love like Him, and to live completely for God like Him. Knowing that I was called out of darkness into his marvelous light helps with that because it reminds me that I am not perfect but progressing.
I am a work in progress, I am God's masterpiece and He is using me for His glory. And anytime my flesh tries to make me forget it, my spirit takes me back to that moment where I was on bended knees exclaiming my understanding of the beauty of His Holiness! I love God more than man and more than any fear, insecurity, shame, or guilt and that is enough to make me available.
Reflect on these verses:
Love: 1 Peter 2:9, Romans 8:38-39 | Peace: 1 Peter 1:7-9 | Joy: Romans 5:1-5 | Grace: Psalm 16:11
May you come to the father and find peace, joy, and love in His presence. May your eyes, ears, and heart be open to his all-sufficient grace. In Jesus’ name. Amen.